Zephyr's Heart

I keep posting updates on Twitter when I should be doing it here. So sorry to my Twitter followers. They show up for fun, vintage, laughter and get super stressed out, upset me.

Zephyr saw his real vet yesterday, Dr. True has been our dog vet for many years, and I wanted her evaluation of Z's condition. It wasn't good.

There was a lot of technical terminology, but basically it came down to this: his heart isn't pumping enough blood/oxygen from the atriums to the ventricles, and also leaking somewhat backwards. Plus, it's skipping beats.

The simple human heart via http://anniesbiozone.blogspot.com/

People/dogs can live their whole lives with small murmurs, apparently, but she also said when Zephyr fainted outright on Saturday, that his body was saying, this simple coughing/heaving up barf is WAY to much and his body just shut down.

I like Dr. True for her candor. She took us through Shadow's (my dear sweet blue heeler's) bone cancer four years ago. She knows how much I love my dogs and horribly difficult that was. So, she basically said this:

He could have one day or one year.

And then all the blood rushed to my feet and I started crying all over again. Somewhere in my brain, having taken such good care of Zephyr, I have held onto this belief that he would live forever one. day. at. a. time. because since Shadow died that's how I was determined to live with Zephyr. We may not have tomorrow, so today, right now, we will go for that walk, go to the river, play, sit, curl up, NOW.

I also know this a difficult pace to keep when one of us has to work, make money, run errands, grocery shop, etc, etc. And apparently, that's me.

Plus, we found Trooper. And that REALLY threw a wrench in our one-on-one time. (Finding Trooper was a good thing, but I know it's been hard on Zephyr, the number one guy. The universe has it's own recipe for my life. I make a commitment: the best life for Zephyr, and so it says, "Oh, yea?! Well here's this! Boom!  And I fall in love with Trooper. Am I failing Zephyr? Can I be a good dog parent and love them both? My mind will go there, again, and again, and again. It's just how it works. It's just how I am.)

So... Zephyr started on Atenelol, a beta blocker, to slow down his heart pace--which is a bitch. (I took beta blockers for migraines. I couldn't walk two blocks without resting). But if they work out, then he'll start a blood pumping medication in two weeks.

Dr True made rules: no running, no chasing the ball, no long walks and NO STAIRS.

My bedroom is upstairs, and Zephyr's hideout when I'm not home. My bed is his safe haven. Last night he slept downstairs with a board over the stairs. He tried twice to get past it. It was another long night. This morning, I turned around and up the stairs he went...

I can not control the universe. I can barely control my life. How much of Zephyr's life do I want to control if we may or may not have that much time left. 

I want to bundle us all up in bed and stay there curled up. Just for now. And now. And now.

d, xo

p.s. I took Trooper with us to the vet that day. Zephyr was lying on the floor and Trooper went over and started licking his face. xo

Zephyr Update

Today was kind of a good news, bad news sort of day. The bad news is Zephyr's heart isn't pumping properly. This is new as far as I know, as he's never been diagnosed with any heart problems before. He has a Mitral Valve Insufficiency with decreased contractility--says the vet tech.

He's being put on medication in hopes of evening out his heartbeat. The vet says he may be lethargic for a while. We'll see.

Right now all I can see is no more trips to the river or long walks anywhere, which makes me horribly sad as those are our happiest times...I suppose we will see about that too.

There was good news, what was it? Oh, they did an additional ultrasound on his stomach. No tumors or blockage. So, that's good.

It's not even 11a.m. and I'm already done with this day. It's gray out, cold. I am putting the house on lock down and hiding with my guys. I made tea. Trooper's asleep in Zephyr's bed. Zephyr's asleep on mine. I think I'll join him for a while. We need some hug time.

d, xo

Zephyr

We had a scary happening yesterday.

I took the dogs on a long, fun river walk. But when we came home Zephyr started barfing up river grass--not uncommon---but suddenly passed out cold while I was watching. He just tipped over and went DOWN. I grabbed him and he pulled back up. He was having trouble getting the grass up and each time he hurled he fainted. He FINALLY got the grass out--a small hay bale, but the third time he was coughing up scraps he went down hard, couldn't get his head up and was scrambling terribly.

We were having so much fun!

I rushed him to the emergency vet across town--5:15 on a Saturday night! Of course! It was the longest rainy freeway drive EVER. He was ok after that. They wanted to run lots of tests--x-rays, blood work, ECG, etc. Then handed me an estimate that rivaled Trooper's teeth extraction.

On a side note: Universe! SERIOUSLY?!

I LOVE my dogs. LOVE THEM, even when they make me crazy, but we just had in a quick row: my little biopsy scare, Trooper's dental surgery, major car repair and now THIS?! COME ON ALREADY!! 

I called my mom, CRIED on the phone then regrouped. I made the decision to take Zephyr home and go to Trooper's vet today, Sunday, no appointment needed. 

It was a loooooooooonnnggg night. I woke to every peep, bump, snort, sneeze from both dogs. We slept with the bathroom light on. I kept sitting up and watching his breathing. He looked really tired, but ok.

So this morning--so, so tired--we went to the vet (also across town). She confirmed Zephyr's got a new heart murmur and wants him back for an ultrasound.  He may also have something called a vagal response triggered by the barfing that caused him to faint and may have something to do with his heart. :(

It was a really, really long 24 hours and we came home and CRASHED on the couch. He's been curled up next to me for hours, another sign he's not feeling so hot, but he is drinking, eating and peeing. All very good signs.

So, off to bed. Will keep you updated. Trooper's doing good. He came with us. I think it helped.

d, xo

Friday Cute Alert

Dog Libido

It's a sunny Saturday. The sky is blue. The birds are twerping, but we're stuck without the jeep, so we're walking to have coffee at my old haunt where I used to garden. I haven't been there in a while.

My plan was to sit, sip a cappuccino, do the crossword puzzle, while the dogs languished beside me, taking in the sites.

Wrong. Oh, so wrong...

I tied Zephyr to a plastic chair--he's not going anywhere--then I tied Trooper up short to Zephyr. I gave a nice firm "stay" & went inside. I came out less than 3 minutes later to find Trooper pulling Zephyr AND THE CHAIR down the sidewalk, while customers looked onward. Oh my god....

I wrangled them back, unwound leashes, righted the chair, but Trooper went into a full squirmy, yowling, toddler-esque fit.  WTH, dude?

It seems he was after a daschund that had just walked by, and he had no intention of letting her/him getaway.

"Bark! Whine! Pant!" He actually arched his back and tried to squirm out of my arms like a two year old.

I was dying. So much for quiet and inconspicuous.

Even after the daschund was long gone, Trooper would not be consoled, or acquiesced. He went all exorcist on me, so I alpha-dogged him, rolled him over on his back to subdue him. It worked, for a few minutes and then he was off again.

My beautiful frothy cappuccino was cooling.  The couple at the next table were gurumphing. I slurped down my coffee and let it go.

What I'm thinking: Trooper needs to be neutered. I'll wait a while, as we just had an operation, but it really needs to be done. Sorry little guy, but it's either me or your libido and since I'm paying your bills, I get to pick.

Life is rough when you're a dog. *Pft*

d, xo

Spring Snot

Trooper is one snotty dog today. His eyes are goopy. He scratched an itch on his face so badly it's bleeding a tad. And he looks more wind blown than usual. Spring is not his friend. And spring in Sacramento is really not friends to anyone with allergies, this being the allergy capitol of the universe.

We have had very little rain this winter and you can see the pollen streaming through the air. Achoo!

Zephyr had terribly allergies when he was younger. He'd chew and scratch horrible patches of fur off until he looked like a mangy mutt. Needless to say we go through a lot of Benedryl around here--easier on the dogs than steroid based meds and recommended by my vet.

Trooper is just too low to the ground--all that tall grass wisping past his face, the sidewalk crud blowing up into his eyes. I suppose this is a small dog problem in general. Poor Trooper. He just can't catch a break.

So, just when I thought we were done with the pre-coffee rounds of soft cheese and cat food on a spoon, we are now back on it. Ack. (If this baffles you, it's the only way to get pills in Trooper. His internal mechanisms may be wonky, but he can smell a hidden pill unless it's drowned in a juicy morsel of gooey cat food. Sigh.)

Now, if you'll excuse me Trooper is getting a bath. Clean off that pollen, breath in some steamy warm water, get last night's pee-and-dog park out of his fur.

And if you could pour me some coffee, that would be great. :-)

d, xo

Peeing and Humping: We Just Don't Do That

Trooper got peed on at the dog park tonight. It happens. He didn't seem to mind in the least. Dogs aren't really caught up in our finicky dilemmas--cleanliness, peeing in public, humping in public, whatever in public. Dog owners, I notice, are.

"Sweetums! Don't ROLL on that dirty grass. Ick. OMG, you just had a bath!"

"Charlie! For goodness sakes! Will you get off Petunia! We just don't do that!"

But, Sweetums wants nothing more than to roll in the barfy spot on the lawn. And Charlie can't hump enough, plus he isn't too concerned about who--male, female, large, small, dogs are all-inclusive humpers.

Zephyr peeing on Trooper. Or Trooper getting in the way. You decide. 

Red, a chihuahua mix, the same 9 lbs. as Trooper gives him a romp for his money. She throws him over like a WWF wrestling pro then takes him on like a scene from Showgirls: grind, grind, grind (insert Robert Palmer, "She's Addicted To Love").

Dude, I'm standing right here. Please. (Pee-on-a-bush-at-the-river envy)

Trooper is a humpy dog. Some dogs aren't. Some dogs are. Trooper very much is. And I'd let him carry on with his amorous ways--Hey! Get that heart rate up their, kid!--except for two very important points:

1) Trooper is NOT fixed. He's over 10 years old, off the streets and just underwent surgery, so he's doing better, but is still not at optimal health to undergo another surgery. And I've heard pros and cons about whether I should at all. I'm on the fence.

2) The more interesting of reasons is, the owners of Trooper's inamorata have sometimes looked terribly distraught to see their precious furry loved one's being pounded on by a furry little Ewok with a big glitter in his eyes. (Amorous is too weak a word. When Red leaves the park I have to restrain Trooper until she is long gone. He wants her that badly. Oh, Trooper.

Trooper would not hesitate to pee back on Zephyr, if he could reach.



We already anthropomorphise our dogs as it is. (I'm guilty too!) Shouldn't we let them have these few dogish pleasures?

Next week, well talk about dog barf and other fun dog facts. If you thought this was going to be all cute and cuddly dog stories, you didn't read the title.

d, xo

You, I, We

My jeep is in the shop. My driveway is a vast wasteland of emptiness. This makes me nervous and blue. What if it doesn't make it back this time?

I needed perking up. It's a terribly windy day, but the dogs needed walking and they don't care about wind. I put on something cheery and a bit silly, a bit  Dr. Seuss-ish. I just needed it. The dogs scurried in circles, their bright orange leashes all a tangle. I grabbed my white floppy hat and away we went.

Oh, D. Really? *Sigh*

And, 5 minutes later I ran into the cutest man, leaning against the barber shop, staring at me. So while the dogs were busy, I smiled back. I even said, hello. (Insert applause here).

He smiled, said hi, stared at the dogs, then smiled back at me. I tried again, "Windy day. Should have grabbed a scarf." (Yay, D! Keep going!). He agreed, said something else. I don't remember what.

The barber showed up--I wave at him every day. And since I didn't want to leave I told them about Trooper (since they were looking) his deafness, blah, blah, blah. And then I said the absolute wrong words all single women universally over, never, ever use, "WE found him this winter...."

This didn't hit me until later, after I said, Well we should go...(Go??? Why go?? STAY HERE. SAY SOMETHING ELSE. SAY, GETTING A HAIR CUT? BUT IT ALREADY LOOKS NICE, COME HERE OFTEN? EVER? HAVE YOU BEEN TO COFFEE AROUND THE CORNER? WOULD YOU LIKE TO...?)

Sit, stay, please.

Nope. I said, have a good day, and left. Then I spent my walk berating myself for my inability to stand still and flirt like a good woman would. For god's sake! I was raised by the biggest flirt in 70's history: my father, the king of flirt-and-get-a-date. You'd think I would have learned something, but no I said "WE..." and blithered on about Trooper, then left. Bravo, well, done.

"WE" as any smart woman knows, refers to "US"--a pair, a couple, dating, engaged, married. It means "I have someone. I am unavailable. I should be walking onward, he is taking me to dinner and you aren't invited. But I hate saying "I". I means: I am single, I am alone, I have no one and no one has me. I do not have a dinner date, I am eating Lean Cuisine alone, not going dancing, but watching reruns of Antique's Roadshow." I hate "I".

A good, kind man



Men know, quite well, what "WE" means, as well. Men never ever use "we" unless they are good married men. In a man's mind it is survival of the fittest "I" (My father has been with the same woman for 25+ years. They are not married. His man cave is her pool house. He only uses "we" sometimes. Whatever).

Contrarily, when I say "we" I mean me--and the dogs. The dogs and me are a "we" until further notice, but he didn't know that. And...perhaps he really didn't care. He could have been smiling at the dogs, the crazy mess of leashes, my silly floppy hat, my ridiculously circus-like striped shirt. Why would HE--handsome, roguish man, in proper charcoal gray attire, wavy salty dark hair and a clean handsome beard, smile at me.

I walked--we walked, they walked--we/I came back around the barber shop, but our/my handsome rogue was gone. I teared up just a bit. We/I came home, ate quiche and wrote here instead.

Oh, D...(insert self-hug).


d, xo

Nap Day

It's Monday. Lots of errands to run and packages to ship. Yay, shop sales!

The dogs got a neighborhood walk today, but truly Trooper is beat. Yesterday's river "hike" has left him one groggy pup. (I adore that Trooper, like myself, is not a morning being. He yawns and stretches, rubs his eyes, then easily falls back to sleep. Bless you, my small furry friend.)

Meanwhile, much to my delight another donation came in over the weekend, bringing our total up to $235! This really kind person came out of nowhere. Not a Twitter follower that I know of, but a really kind and generous Trooper follower. Thank you. :-)

One day I will total up Trooper's expenditures, since finding him in December. He really threw our budget for a loop, but I would do it again, all of it, even without the generous donations.

During those un-godly predawn mornings when I wake with a start,  I sometimes imagine I didn't quite get the grab on him. He slipped threw my fingers, or I wasn't wearing gloves when he bit me and I lost my grip on him. Then I REALLY freak out, because when I think of him out there all alone, in the cold, fending for himself, I shiver...then I turn on the light, check that he is still here, in his bed and breathing.  (I do this to Zephyr too.) Motherhood, even for the furry kind is a trippy all consuming thing. Whew.

Ok, off to the post. Thanks again everyone for following us over to our new blog home. In time I hope to make it fancier. One. Thing. At. A. Time. :-)

d, xo

To The River!

It was a super sunny hot spring day--in March, can you believe this? So, of course, we went to the river.

Trooper's not a really a water dog, so we're doing this slowly. It was ridiculously hot out, and the little guy doesn't drink enough water. Time to go in, buddy.

I gently put him in up to his ankles where he froze like it was bath time. (Also, the water is freezing. Snow run off.) So, we just stayed here and I cupped water over him.  

Zephyr and I like the water. All paws in. (My toenails aren't painted! So embarrassing).

Zephyr could spend all day in the water chewing on a stick. Simple pleasures for a happy dog.  

Shake! 

Zephyr's stick stuck in the mud. A perfect place for him to chew on it.  

 Dude, don't swallow it! Spit it out! And, he did, luckily in the backyard, later, instead of in the back of the jeep. (This blog could have been named Dog Barf Diaries, just as easily.)

 My stick!

 He looks ferocious, but Zephyr's being splashed with water, which he LOVES. He could play this game for hours.

It's not often I get to see all of his teeth. Those are some shiny white chops He likes his sticks. (Can we teach Trooper to chew too?)

We walked all the way to the end of the trail, played in the water, twice, and are heading back to the jeep. Trooper was about to crash out on the trail. He's all sandy wet and has that zombie, "I had to much fun" look. Zephyr's waiting in the back.

The home scene. He walked in the door and fell asleep in his wet harness, crash. He likes to sleep on Zephyr's bed under the staircase. Look at that little mop. I love him.

d, xo

p.s. Hey! Trooper finished up the last of his antibiotics this morning! Yay! No more cat food/soft cheese gooey-fingers-before-coffee mornings. Can we get an AMEN!

His mouth seems to be good. No sore spots. He no longer winces when you touch his muzzle. His coat is looking shinier and less flaky by the day. We may have ourselves a near-healthy dog!

And that REALLY deserves an AMEN TOO. xo

Dog Park

I'm getting nowhere with the whole transfer dog posts from Snowflower Street to here. Why? Because it's supposed to be simple. And my experience with anything that's supposed to be simple, is fricking complicated. Will leave it for now.

Meanwhile, I took the critters to a new dog park today, completely fenced, no escape routes! You'd think I would have drank my coffee and chilled, but no. I ran around following Trooper, fearing he would look up and feel lost, abandoned, then freak out--projection, projection, projection. In reality, he cruised around, sniffing and peeing, trot, trot, trot. I don't think he gave a hooey where I was.

In my defense, Zephyr does do that--look up and freak out because he can't find me. It's a horrible look, even for a second, before I wave him down. Panic is no one's friend and we do enough of it in this house already. Oye.

Anyway, all went well. the dogs roamed. I managed to drink most of my coffee hot, and Trooper even sniffed a very large pit bull that drooled bigger than he. My heart lurched in those waiting moments as the dog, his jaw the width of Trooper's length, checked him out, but it was all good. Hail Mary...

Now it's late and it's time for the troops to go out, before they get tucked in. It's a tough life being a dog in this house.

d, xo

The Middle of the Mess

Oh, I had plans, BIG plans! A flashy new blog, a trendy design with a moddish tone, a cool new place to post my dog thoughts, but then life got busy with me--and the actual dogs--god they are needy--and the blog sat on the burner FOREVER. Tick-tock, tick-tock....

Finally, I said, screw it, and put together this. Because the dogs are up to no good now. Zephyr got into the garbage can today. Trooper made a break for it yesterday. And I ate two chocolate cupcakes slathered in ganache just tonight, so who knows what will happen in five minutes? 

In the meantime, I am trying to transfer all the dog posts off my vintage blog: Snowflower Street over here, because not all vintage lovin' gals, want to hear about dogs. (God bless them).

All this blog moving around may, or may not, work. We'll just have to see. I do promise to keep you updated on Trooper wherever we may land.

Pray for us.

d, xo